There are times in life that test us, when it’s easy to feel like a failure. Things not going to ‘plan’ as such. Back in January, I wrote about my goals for 2017 which were all things I thought were achievable/reasonable things to aim for.
Fast forward 6 months, it’s suddenly June (HOW?!) and my life is nothing like I imagined. I didn’t foresee being made redundant, being back in my overdraft, and having Danny pay for everything to ensure we can keep the home we’ve made for ourselves here in the city centre. I didn’t forsee being the reason my boyfriend can’t go on holiday with his friends, or having my orthodontist bill paid for by my parents.
I haven’t managed to save money like I thought I would. I don’t see my friends anywhere near as often as I’d like to, because money. Career wise, in January I was looking at a completely different future than the one I am now. I’m still of the mindset it’s going to be a positive change, but I still can’t help but notice how different my future looks compared to my own expectations 6 months ago.
And sometimes that makes me feel like I’m failing. Like I’m failing myself, somehow. But why? I can’t do an ASOS haul, or replace our damaged pans, or even contribute my share to the household. I can’t support small businesses, or make the most of Meerkat Movies, or complete the 52 week pound challenge like I wrote about on January the 7th.
But it’s okay. It’s okay to not be where I thought I’d be in life. It’s okay to change plans. This wasn’t something I did or could have changed the outcome of, I didn’t decide to be unemployed and I’ve been working my bum off to try and change the situation.
Re-evaluating my life and what I want from it doesn’t make me a failure, just like not having a certain amount in my savings account doesn’t make me any less of a person. Sometimes life is unpredictable and scary and pretty bloody cruel. Sometimes you have to work with what you have, re-evaluate the goalposts and go with the flow.